Friday, September 26, 2014


1. Thou shall not regurgitate every fantasy cliche thou hast read in prior works.

2. Thou shall not attempt to overexplain thy magic with psuedo-scientific terminology in am attempt to make thyself seem super smart.

3. Thou shall build an interesting world in which thy fantastical tales may be set.

4. Thou shall not assume that every story is better with princesses.

5. Thou shall avoid overpowering thy characters to the point of ridiculousness.

6. Thou shall not assume that the label of "fantasy" gives thy plot, character motivations, and other story elements an excuse to be unrealistic.

7. Thou shall not follow the path of the Deus Ex Machina.

8.  Thou shall not give characters medieval weapons in a modern setting with the sole reason being that it is "cool".

9. Thou shall not pad out thy word count under the delusion that thy fantasy novel must be "epic" in scope and length.

10. Thou shall consult Limyaael's Fantasy Rant List for much better advice than has been provided here.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I Don't Care that your Vampires Sparkle (or, Why Trying to Scientifically Explain Magic Doesn't Work if you're Ignorant)

(WARNING: RANT MODE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. Extreme snarkiness, rudeness, and foul language beyond this point. All those overly-sensitive, proceed at your own risk.)

Nothing ruins a fantasy story for me faster than a terrible romance. Or bad characterization. Or shitty worldbuilding. Or a cliche, overdone plotline. Or a Mary Sue.

But a close second would have to be witnessing the element of magic being ripped to shreds by an author who doesn't know how to fucking write magical things so as to not ruin them.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert on the subject; Hell, I'm just an amateur fantasy writer myself still in the midst of building my own magic system for my fantasy world. And of course, what with it being magic and all, you really can't--and shouldn't--bind it by any hard and fast rules. Magic takes all kinds of fantastical forms and means something different to each fantasy writer. That being said, it's totally possible for an author to suck all the magic out of magic if they suck at writing it.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Finally! Some Original Fiction!

Ok, since all I've done so far is deride the works of other authors, I guess it's time that I put my money where my mouth (or hands, since I'm typing all this... whatever) is.

So naturally, I choose one of my more hastily-written and minimally-edited short stories from a year and a half ago. *Sigh* I really do need to make more time for my fiction writing these days... Oh well, I guess I might as well post it here, not like there's really anything better for me to do with it. Just a bit of warning: it's a tad bit melodramatic, and you'll probably either love me or hate me for the ending. So with that in mind, please read and enjoy...

Friday, July 25, 2014

FSOG Trailer Reaction and Some Stuff about China

I'm baaaaaaaack!

Not, of course, that any of you were actually missing me, I'm sure. But for the three of you who might've actually been curious as to where I've been for the past month after only 5 posts, I've actually been halfway around the world. No, seriously, like I was actually in Taiwan and China for two weeks. Yes, I climbed the Great Wall, and yes, I really am just that awesome. For anyone who actually might be interested, I'll try to post a few of the 400+ pictures I took (I would right now, but I'm currently at work glancing over my shoulder making sure I'm not earning myself any disapproving looks sooo...).

Anywho, now that I've finally come back from my hiatus, let's discuss that which none of us have been eagerly anticipating: the Fifty Shades of Garbage Grey trailer! Well, when I say "none of us" I really mean that I assume that all of the two people who read this blog are normal people with normally-functioning brains who are also not fans of the books; I, on the other hand, am a glutton for punishment with a rather twisted mindset, so I've been awaiting this preview for quite a while. And was I disappointed?

Um, yeah.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

My Eragon Review

For the lazy (mostly meaning myself, since I've been too lazy/busy with other stuff to post things), here's my review of Eragon from Goodreads. And boy, it's a bit of a dozy...


Recommended for: no one

I'll preface this review by saying my choice to give this 2 stars is based upon the fact that I reserve single star ratings for books that are so horrendously offensive to the literary craft that they incite an inhuman rage within me and make me want to gouge my eyes out. Yes, Eragon is a bad book, and it makes me angry, but I have read worse. This book angers me much in the way the Star Wars Prequels do, which is significantly less than how The Last Airbender movie angers me.

Sunday, May 25, 2014


This is the first installment of my "Ten Commandments of Writing" series. Basically, each will be a set of ten rules/guidelines covering a specific genre or aspect of writing, based on some very good advice I've picked up from various sources. So follow my sacred laws, peasants, lest the wrathful God of the Written Word rain hellfire down upon you! (note: For all of you out there with no sense of humor, yes, this list is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but it is still advice that I have found quite helpful)

The Ten Commandments of Narrative

  1. Thou shall not infodump on thy readers
  2. Thou shall knowest thine enemy, purple prose, so as to best avoid its temptations
  3. Honor the word "said" above superfluous dialogue tags
  4. Thou shall not permit thy plot to lose its focus
  5. Thou shall not pad out thy work with filler
  6. Thou shall properly utilize thy setting in service of thy story
  7. Keep holy the integrity of thy story, for it is not thy personal soapbox
  8. Thou shall have a plot that is coherent, and not a series of random happenings
  9. Thou shall not defile thy thesaurus
  10. Thou shall pay homage to the written word by continuing to practice thy craft
Like it? Love it? Hate it? Most of this was just stuff I came up with off the top of my head (based on advice I've heard elsewhere, of course). Feel free to share what your personal rules for writing are,  and let me know what you'd like me to do a list of "commandments" for next! ~Leanne

Monday, May 19, 2014

FSOG Review

For the lazy, here's my Fifty Shades of Grey review from Goodreads in full. Yeah yeah, I know I'm way behind on the times and everyone and their mother has reviewed this garbage already, but hey, I hadn't discovered Goodreads yet back when I first read it, ok? And since my opinion is the correct one, I must put it out there. Besides, the movie will (unbelievably) be out in less than a year, and I've got plenty more where this came from before then. So stay tuned for reviews for the next two literary abominations in this series, my lovelies! 


I read the entire trilogy. Why you ask? Because I get a twisted satisfaction out of reading and watching things in the "so bad it's good" category. Unfortunately, that only applies to certain parts of this drivel. Everything that wasn't laugh-out-loud hilarious managed to offend me on every possible level that I could be offended. These books are nothing but horrible trash, and I don't care if I piss off anybody by saying that.

My Goodreads Book Reviews!

I'm pretty new at the whole book review-thing, so I apologize (don't get used to these apologies, ok?) if this is a bit dryer than what you're expecting... well, except for FSOG, maybe.

Fifty Shades of Grey


The Swan Thieves

The Prophecy of the Stones

Saturday, May 17, 2014


Hey everyone! Welcome to my blog! I'm hoping I can share my love of writing, reading, movie-watching, and various nerdy hobbies with all of you!!!

Phew. Got that out of the way. Don't get too used to me being so bright and cheery; if you're expecting anything other than snide commentary, biting sarcasm, harsh reviews, foul language, and the occasional tongue-in-cheek satire, then I pose this question: what the fuck are you doing here?

But really, I hope those of you who did come here with the proper mindset enjoy what I have to offer in terms of humorous reviews, rants, and all things related to fiction and writing. I will do my utmost to live up to your most ridiculous expectations.