Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Self-Pub Summer: Cloak of Shadows, by CK Dawn

I bet you all thought I was gone for good, didn't you? Well, you're not getting rid of me that easily.

Needless to say, it's become pretty apparent that I picked a bad time to do a big blog-theme-thingy like "self-pub summer", since this summer has just been so busy and chaotic. I guess it doesn't help that the books I picked have been largely disappointing and retaining my motivation to keep reading in my precious moments of personal time has been a struggle. Who knew that trying to read 7-8 relatively short novels in 3 1/2 months would be so hard?

So, you'd think that after being burnt out on dealing with work, mild family crises, and largely joyless reading these past few months I'd have learned my lesson not to overextend myself, right? Hahahahaha nope! Because up next--as of Sept. 1st, anyway-- is Fall of Fantasy, during which I'll be spending the coming fall semester reading/reviewing six books by big-name fantasy authors, plus embarking on a sporking of another. I had also wanted to start watching and doing weekly episode recaps of The Legend of the Seeker, but that would just be crazy, right? I mean, come on, I'm insane enough as it is, even I have limits. So, between taking 18 credits, working the late shift at a work-study job, and finally getting ready to graduate, I could very well be even busier than I've been this summer. But the strange thing is, I always seem to have an easier and less stressful time handling such a full schedule when I'm on campus than when I'm at home. I think it's something psychological having to due with 1) the feeling of having marginally more freedom over my own life while away from home; and 2) the feeling that my life has some sort of forward momentum and is progressing towards some sort of goal, as opposed to the holding pattern that I seem to get stuck in over summer break. I think that's a big part of why I've been in such a creative rut lately. Just don't tell my parents that...

But, I think I've wasted enough time with my elaborate excuses. Let's just get this review over with already.

(WARNING: Rant mode activated. This will be a mostly spoiler-free review, but there may be a few tiny, non-earth shattering revelations.)

Cloak of Shadows (book 1 of the Netherwalker series)- CK Dawn

Friday, July 24, 2015

Random Rantings: On Authorial Narcissism, Terry Goodkind, and Things You Just Shouldn't Say Ever

Soooo, yeah, I realize that I haven't posted much in a while, and that I'm long overdue for both a new book review. I know that I've made and broken this promise before, but I can assure you that there will be one by next week. Somehow, I will make it happen. I do honestly feel bad for being such an inactive blogger this summer, but perhaps my inactivity has as much to do with resenting my decision to do "self-pub summer" and challenge myself to read one book per week as it does with actually being very busy outside of blogging. I've been stuck on the same book for many weeks longer than I should have been, and find it hard not to shift a good portion of the blame onto my extreme disappointment with it. Going in I thought it was going to be great, and at first it was a welcome relief after Blood Price, but even though it's not super terrible I'm finding it terribly difficult to soldier on through my disappointment and finish the damn thing. I don't know, maybe I'm just complaining for complaining's sake. But this is a rant, after all, so isn't the point to complain?

Suuuure you do. I know you all secretly love to hear me complain. 

But the point of this mini-rant isn't to moan about the fact that I haven't been doing any worthwhile reading or writing lately. No, I'm writing this rant to bitch about Terry Mothereffin' Goodkind and others of his ilk. What do I mean by that, you ask? Well, the point of this rant is a bit murky, but basically it boils down to authors behaving badly.

(WARNING: Extreme snarkiness and bad language ahead, although you should probably expect that from me by now.)

Friday, July 10, 2015

Flash Fiction Friday #7! Plus Other Stuff

Fear not, friends! I have returned from yet another unscheduled hiatus. It seems like these days I've being taking more of these than I've spent time writing. It's not exactly something I'm proud of, but honestly I'm doing the best I can while working two summer jobs. Well, I'm probably not doing the very best I can, but it's not as if I'm not trying at all. It's just so tempting to just sit around and be lazy when I'm not working simply because I can afford to be in those precious spare moments. But I guess being a writer is all about making the time to, you know, actually write something. And honestly, I do tend to feel happier with myself after I've taken the time to write something, whereas I only ever moan and complain when I spend my day (or night) off doing nothing but reading yet another Grey chapter recap--which, for the record, I will NOT be reading, ever--or watching yet another Game of Thrones crack!video. Human emotions are the weirdest thing; all most of us ever do is just want free time to do what we actually want to do, then when we get it we waste it by being lazy, then we feel like shit for being lazy, but then instead of actually doing what we wanted to do in the first place we continue to be lazy until all our free time is used up.

Humans are so illogical...

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Self-Pub Summer Review: Blood Price, by A.L. Wright

Hello again, friends! Before we get into the review proper, I just wanted to say that I really am sorry for the unscheduled hiatus. Yes, I have been very busy lately, but unfortunately I must admit that life getting in the way isn't the only reason why it's taken me so long to write this review for what is really quite a short book. It was also... well, it was also kind of the book itself... but you'll see what I mean soon enough.

Blood Price- A.L. Wright

Friday, June 5, 2015

Flashback Friday!

Has it only been since Monday that I last posted on this blog? It feels like it's been much longer than that for some reason. And somehow in that short span of time I've managed to surpass 200 followers on Twitter! I guess I must've tweeted something really amazing. In any case, you guys are the best.

So lately I've been feeling pretty nostalgic for my older writing. True, it may not be very good, but not all of it was terrible, and between cringing at my early fan fics and laughing at some of the embarrassing storytelling choices I made, my recent trip in the wayback machine has been pretty fun. It's been interesting and even inspiring to see how far I've come as a writer. So what better way to celebrate by putting some of my semi-embarassing old work out there for the whole world to see?

Monday, June 1, 2015

Self-Pub Summer: Fade to Black, by Tim McBain and L.T. Vargus

So uh, yeah, I kind of forgot to keep up with the rest of the 12-Day Writing Challenge. Oops. Maybe I'll turn that into a weekly project for the summer instead. What can I say, I've been busy. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Thankfully, though, I can now say that I've adjusted to my busy schedule well enough that I finally have my first book done for Self-Pub Summer! I think I'm going to be switching up my usually more free-form review style for these books to make them a bit more comprehensive; if you could give me some feedback on how this review format works for you, that would be greatly appreciated.

Fade to Black- Tim McBain and L.T. Vargus

Friday, May 29, 2015

Double Feature: Flash Fiction Friday #6 AND the 12-Day Writing Challenge

I know, I bet you can hardly contain your excitement. But please, folks, just remain calm. I'm sure you were all crying yourselves to sleep at night for the past month without Flash Fiction Friday. But fear not! For I have returned.

Whoa, I said calm down
Ok, enough self-deprecating humor for today. So what is this 12-day writing challenge, you ask? Well, as this Writer's Digest article that my good writing buddy Eshirf linked me to so eloquently explains, it's a "12-day plan of simple writing exercises". Not strictly a "challenge", but we've turned it into one. Technically we both started with day one yesterday on Facebook, but whatever...

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

I'm Baaaack! With a Review of Tomorrowland

Remember childhood, when summer vacation actually used to be a vacation? Sometimes being an adult almost makes me miss high school. Almost. Between final exams, moving out of my dorm, re-orienting to being back home, hauling bags of trash, Goodwill donations, and yard sale goods out of my room and giving it the first proper cleaning in years, starting my summer internship, starting my actual paying job, helping my mom to throw a surprise party for a family friend, going through post-semester boyfriend withdrawal, and just generally having a lot going on, it's not too surprising that I haven't had a lot of spare time or mental capacity to sit down and just write. Or read, for that matter. And yeah, I'll admit that there have been occasions during my moments of free time when I've simply been lazy, but for the most part the inner workings of my mind have consisted of this:

Pretty much.

Monday, April 27, 2015

1Q84: A Not-Review

Let me begin by making it clear that Leanne is not a quitter. Ok, well, maybe sometimes I am, but everyone is at some point so shut up. But when I quit I quit with dignity and with good reason. This is not one of those times; I'm not quitting 1Q84, I'm just... taking a very, very long break from it. Again.

Yeah, I know you do...

Friday, April 24, 2015

Guess What Day It Is... Flash Fiction Friday #5!

Loosely based on this prompt posted on /r/WritingPrompts. I say loosely because since it's meant to take place in a fictional world, then I guess it's technically not set in the future... but whatever.

Wake Up

They say that the most vivid dreams occur just before you come out of the sleep. For Estera, "vivid" did not begin to cover it; they were downright terrifying. Though numerous scientific studies had found that this period of cognitive intensity lasted a mere second before the enchantment wore off, Estera swore that the nightmarish visions went on for countless hours, a seeming eternity of imprisonment in a warped reality. Besides, despite being a mage with a PhD in astrophysics, she had long been skeptical of any "scientific" study purporting to have nailed down the precise mechanics of magic. She knew better than anyone that magic, by its very nature, did not want to be understood.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Liebster Award Nomination!

Thank you very much to Book Hooked for nominating me! The Liebster award is a chain award that was created by bloggers and is a tradition to make new friends in the blogging community. Being someone who is still somewhat of a noob in the book/writing blogging realm, I really like the idea of these awards. Both this and the Versatile Blogger Award  I was nominated for have lead me to discover a lot of great blogs that I might not have come across otherwise. I'm still struggling to find my place in this online community of bloggers, but I'm having a lot of fun doing so.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Book Review: Nil

Wow, I can't believe it's been a month since my last book review. I am such a naughty little book blogger who needs to be punished (Any takers? No? Ok...). In all seriousness, though, I am disappointed in myself for taking so long to review this book, since I do believe that reviews were the original intended purpose of this blog. Not to worry, for I shall not let it go this long in the future, not with my plans all set for "Self-Pub Summer"! No set date as to when that will start yet, but I suppose I should probably try to finish 1Q84 first... if I can ever manage to finish it.

How do you escape from a book that you can't stop reading?
Nil- Lynne Matson

(Note: No spoilers in this one, but plenty of ranting and swearing ahead.)

Friday, April 17, 2015

So I Just Watched The Mortal Instruments Movie...

... Without ever having read the book, so bear that in mind over the course of this review. That's not to say I'm unfamiliar with the source material, though; City of Bones is one of those inexplicably popular books that's infamous in online sporking circles, and by now I've read a few lengthy reviews and most of a complete sporking. In fact, I'm seriously considering reading the book for my first ever sporking/recap for this blog, although considering my busy upcoming summer schedule, I wouldn't count on me getting around to that for at least a few months.

Why did I watch the movie, then? Well, for starters I was bored, and I guess I wanted to get a taste of what kind of crap I'd be getting myself into with the book. Considering the fact that even fans of the novels seemed to be almost universally panning the film, I was expecting it to be a so-bad-it's-good mockfest on par with Eragon and The Last Airbender. But surprisingly, it not actually all that bad...

I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.
(WARNING: I have this review tagged as spoiler free, but be aware that there may be a few spoilers for the ending, although nothing that gives away The Big Plot Twist. From what I know of the book the final battle in the movie is quite different and ends much differently, so I don't have too many qualms about giving it away just a bit.)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Fair Tales: Some Misconceptions and Personal Pet Peeves

OMG guys there are leaves! On the trees! Leaves!!! I have been waiting all winter long for this day to arrive. My day just got so much better. Oh, and I now have over 100 followers on Twitter now. Hooray for having an audience to reach! Thank you, everyone! But seriously, frackin' LEAVES.

You may not know this about me (or do you?), but I love fairy tales. Oddly enough, I actually wasn't a huge fan when I was a little girl (not that I can remember, anyway), but what I do remember is that when I was around 12 I found a copy of The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm and an obsession began. Well, that obsession cooled off after a while as many obsessions tend to do, but the Grimm Bros have always held a special place in my heart. I read almost the entire collection cover to cover, I looked up the histories of the most famous stories online, I wrote a paper on fairy tales in high school, I devoured fair tale adaptations in book, movie, and fan art form. Hell, I even drew inspiration from them myself for fantasy novel series that I've been slowly working on since I was 16 (technically since I was 13, but those were Dark Times in terms of writing that I'd rather not talk about).

So it will probably come as no surprise that I have a few pet peeves when it comes to how a lot of people tend to think and speak about fairy tales.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Flash Fiction Friday #4

Inspired by this prompt on /r/WritingPrompts on Reddit. It would appear that I'm the first one to see its potential... Ok, so I know this is quite a bit longer than "flash" fiction, but it kind of took on a mind of it's own. Also, since FFF pretty much entails writing off-the-cuff and putting it out there in its raw form, understand that this is just rough draft-quality stuff.

Making Lemonade

 They say that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. So when life literally started giving me lemons, that's what I did. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I'm Still Alive!

Hi, everyone! Unfortunately I don't have much to say in this post except to apologize for being absent for over a week and to promise that there will be at least a review or a new flash fiction by the end of this week. No, I haven't mysteriously disappeared, but I have been busy and preoccupied, more so than I thought I would be. I'll admit that I'd been in kind of an emotional slump for a brief while, and that when I did have the time to blog I put it off because I just simply in a funk. I'm feeling a lot better now, but unfortunately I'm also back at school after Easter break, so now it's time to crack down on the four essays I have due in less than a month. It's that time of year again, folks, the month before finals, so I can't make any promises about the frequency of my blogging in the next few weeks.

It's ok, you can be irritated with me, I understand.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Flash Fiction Friday #3

Yikes, only three (three and a half?) weeks into this "Flash Fiction Friday" and I've already forgotten to post one on time. I really don't have anything to say in my defense except that I had a busy weekend and it just slipped my mind. I'll try not to let it happen again. In other news, 1Q84 is taking me an extremely long time to get through, so my review for it may end up being posted a lot later than I intended it to be. Sorry, but I have no idea yet when you can expect that. In the meantime, if I have the time for it I might end up reading something else so that I at least have a book to review in a decent amount of time. We'll see what happens.

Yeah ok, Leanne, keep telling yourself that...

Thursday, March 19, 2015

The Book was DEFINITELY Better

As a follow-up to my previous post, I figured I would countdown some of the movie adaptations that were infinitely WORSE than the novels. This one is a pretty short list; the majority of movie adaptations I've seen, even the good ones, haven't been quite as good as the book, so the films listed here are the ones that particularly grind my gears. But before we get to that, there's one more movie that I neglected to mention in my "book wasn't necessarily better" list, which is surprising because it's a particular favorite of mine:

6) The Princess Bride- Another classic, although perhaps not quite as universally renowned as The Godfather or Gone with the Wind. But in my experience, it's hard to find someone who hasn't seen this movie and loved it. As with The Godfather, I was unaware for quite some time that The Princess Bride was based on a real book. Naturally, once I found out that it was I had to read it.

My personal opinion of this one once again mostly comes down to writing style. Just like The Godfather (and I never imagined I'd ever be comparing these two), The Princess Bride is a story that simply works much better as a film than it does as a novel. I can appreciate that William Goldman was trying to do something unique by pretending to be translating/retelling a story originally written by a fake author, but the novelty wore off pretty quickly and it became a distraction from the main plot. Goldman, clever though he may be in other respects, spends way too much time going off on extended tangents, often right in the middle of a scene. I can appreciate the book for being the inspiration for one of my favorite films, but ultimately it was kind of a letdown.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, on to the crap... 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Book Was Better... Or Was It?

It's common knowledge among fans of popular books and series that "the book is always better"... or is it? Film is just as much of an art form as literature, and though it may be rare, there are times when the transition from one medium to another has no detrimental effects on the story, or perhaps even improves upon the original. So here is my--perhaps controversial--list of five times when I believed that the book was NOT better.

1) Fifty Shades of Grey- I'll just get this one out of the way first. There's not much to say that I haven't said already in my review of the movie, but it's hard to deny that the Fifty Shades movie is objectively "better" in a lot of ways  when compared to the book. The filmmakers consciously decided to tone down Christian's abusive behavior, they improved the dialogue in what few places they could circumvent E.L. James' iron grasp, Ana was made to be more likeable, and the overall story was marginally less cringe-worthy. However, by improving upon the source material the movie was also paradoxically worse for people like me who milked entertainment out of how incredibly bad the books were. So better technically and "artistically" (I still refuse to acknowledge Fifty Shades as actual art) yes, but also much less fun to hate.

2) The Da Vinci Code- This is mostly an old opinion of mine from back when I was still an Dan Brown fan (when I was about 14). Since then I have seen the movie multiple times and now think that it mostly sucks, but it's been longer since I've read the book, so be aware that this is not a fresh comparison, just a trip down memory lane for me.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Book Review: The Last Swordmage

Hello, friends! Not too much news to report today, so I won't waste much time getting into the review proper. I should warn you that two book reviews only four days apart probably won't be a frequent occurrence around here: I managed to get this one and the last one out fairly quickly simply because both were short books. But it's a pretty busy time in the semester for me and the next book on my list, 1Q84, is a 1157-page brick. Hopefully it will be a fascinating and enjoyable brick, but a brick nonetheless.

This review marks a pretty exciting occasion for me: it's the first book that's not a kink-themed erotica I've reviewed on this blog since Eragon, can you believe it? And what do you know, it also happens to be fantasy! Oh, how I have longed for the warm, tender embrace of my beloved speculative fiction. Despite whatever impressions I might've left with my previous reviews, I'm pretty far out of my element with erotic romance as a genre. So with The Last Swordmage, I almost felt like I was coming home after a long and exhausting business trip... only to discover that what I was coming home to were busted pipes and water in the basement. But home is still home no matter what, right?

The Last Swordmage- Martin F. Hengst

(Note: For once, I'll be trying to keep this review as spoiler-free as possible, just in case any of you would like to check it out for yourselves.)

Friday, March 13, 2015

Flash Fiction Friday #2! Plus Some Other Stuff.

I'm starting to realize that I really do need to come up with a stricter posting schedule for this blog. School and life and everything else is pulling me in a bunch of different directions right now, so it's kind of hard to stay focused on not only keeping up with book reviews, but also trying to incorporate more varied and original content as well. I suppose committing myself to posting a flash fiction every Friday is progress, but I don't want to let this blog become one short short story every week and maybe a review every once in a while. I think my pet project (or at least one of them, besides reading a new book to review, writing a story, and working on that sewing project I've been meaning to get around to for weeks) will be to make a set of blog "resolutions" for myself. I know it's way late for New Year's resolutions, but who says I can't make some blog-related ones now?

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Book Review: Venus In Furs

I apologize for not having a new review out this time last week as I had originally intended; you would think that being on "spring" break would give me more time to write, but alas, it was not to be.

I think this review will be a slight deviation from what has started to become the "norm" for my blog, largely because it's the first book I've reviewed in a while that is not Fifty Shades and also because... well, I'm not sure if my usual snarky style is well suited for it. I am still polishing my reviewing technique, though, so we'll see where my ramblings end up by the end of this.

(Note: Spoilers ahead, and uh, that's about it, I guess...)
Venus in Furs- Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

Perhaps you may be thinking that this is an odd choice of book for someone like me, to which I reply, "you obviously don't know me very well". It's an old book, a somewhat tedious book, and certainly an odd sort of book, but sometimes I like that. Did I like Venus in Furs? Well... not exactly. Was it interesting? Erm... sort of? It's hard to know exactly what to say about it. 

Friday, March 6, 2015

Introducing Flash Fiction Fridays!

Wow, 60+ Twitter followers now! I guess that's still pretty modest by Twitter standards, but it's big news for me! And 6 blog followers, too! Hard to believe that I actually have "fans" now, or at least an audience... thank you so much, everybody. I was afraid I was going to start losing followers this past week considering I haven't posted anything, for which I do apologize. You'd think that over spring break I'd be having, ya know, some kind of break where I have all the time in the world to read books and blog about them, but of course life can never be that simple. On the bright side, I'm one step closer to securing a great internship for the summer! Which probably will mean less time for blogging... oh joy...

Anyway, I promise that I will have a new book review posted very soon, but to celebrate my growing popularity I've decided to introduce a new feature to my blog: Flash Fiction Friday! Basically, in an effort to get my creative writing mojo back (I've been in somewhat of a slump for a while), I've committed myself from now on to write one flash fiction/microfiction/short-short story every week, and post it on Fridays because alliteration makes everything sound cooler. Read on, my friends...

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Fifty Shades Freed- This Review Might Literally Kill Me

I really have to do this now, don't I? Even though I'm getting around to this much later than I originally intended and it's kind of too late already because the movie is already out and probably nobody cares anymore so what's even the fucking point? Oh, alright...

(Warning: Spoilers and NSFW-ness ahead. Also, anger, general snark, and rude language. You get the idea by now.)

 Even now that the Greypocalypse has already happened, I find myself struggling to give this review my all. I've long since accepted that reading bad books and watching bad movies just to tear them apart is basically my "thing", but there comes a point when it goes from being fun to feeling like an obligation. I think I hit this point when I finally posted my Fifty Shades Darker review. Being a slow writer + going into overkill mode + not feeling as enthusiastic about it as I was even just last week really took a toll on my psyche. And as much as I have to say about Fifty Shades Freed I really don't think I have another review like that in me. I'll try to make this one as painless for everyone as possible. So let's just dive right in, shall we?

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Versatile Blogger Award Nomination!

Wow, my Twitter following pretty much exploded overnight. Thanks so much to everyone on the Books, Blogs, Authors, and More forum on Goodreads who is now following me! If anyone else is looking to promote their blog or get some helpful feedback on writing or blogging, I highly recommend this forum.

In other news, thank you so much, Sophie at seamlessreader.blogspot.com and Mary Jane at sheisadude.blogspot.com for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

So I Figured I'd Post a Piece of my Own Work for Once... (NSFW)

So, I feel like since I'm trying to get serious about this blogging thing now, I should make more of an effort to post on a regular and frequent basis. Unfortunately, I've been quite distracted this weekend and my Fifty Shades Freed review has been pretty slow-going. So I thought I might take a quick breather from that to post a story of mine from a few months back that was essentially the product of me challenging myself to write an erotic fan fiction better than that One Really Infamous Twilight One that I've been relentlessly tearing to shreds.

So, yeah, a few words of warning first: First off, it is a Harry Potter fan fiction, so if that's not your cup of tea, fine. However, it's not exactly the most... traditional; original characters only, and pretty light on plot. So yeah, it's a lemon. With an extremely rushed ending that I never bothered to go back and rewrite. And just to make sure all my bases are covered and no one is scandalized, I, uh, kind of started out writing this down as a fantasy involving... let's say a girl and a guy close in age to myself and my Proper Gentleman Friend, so yeah, adults role playing as teenagers. *looks around uncomfortably* Also, despite the suggestive themes of the first short story of mine I posted on this blog, this one is my first real attempt at erotica. So I may very well be actually worse at this than EL James... although my ego wants to believe otherwise.

I'd really appreciate any feedback you're willing to give me. And yes, I do promise that my Fifty Shades Freed review is coming soon.

(WARNING: Veeeeeery NSFW content ahead. Also, unedited fan fiction, if that's something you tend to steer clear of.)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

My Fifty Shades Movie Review (For Real this Time)

Well, I guess I can't put this off any longer. It's not so much that I've been dreading this review that had me putting it off for so long as it is the fact that I mostly just needed a break from all this Fifty Shades crap. Well, I say that... and then I go and continue to read 50 Shades "Snark Week" on BBGT, gaze impassively at all the 50 Shades Abuse posts on my Twitter feed until my eyes glaze over, and read movie review after movie review until my own review seems increasingly irrelevant. Now, it's not like I click on every link which mentions this tripe in the title, but even when I say I'm exhausted from my own hatred and clearly need to take a break I still find it hard not to indulge just a little bit. It's like a disease or something. I think I need help.

So what did I think of the movie?

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Movie Review You've All Been Waiting For...

 YOU GUYS. Bad Books, Good Times is now following me on Twitter! I can't help but feel ridiculously giddy about this because in the relatively short time I've been reading their blog, Ariel and Matthew have basically become my book-blogging idols. I have no idea how it happened, since this blog has probably about five readers and was being followed on Twitter by only two (now three!) people, so for me this is pretty big. I do feel like I have a lot to live up to now, though. I should probably get my shit together and maybe try to stick to a regular posting schedule or something. But thank you so much to BBGT for the support/ego boost/inspiration!

Anyway... Those of you who have been following me for a little while now are probably wondering where my scathing review of a particular movie is. So without further ado, I present my review of...




Thursday, February 12, 2015

Fifty Shades Darker- A (very belated) Review

(Warning: spoilers, slight NSFW-ness, and extreme snarkiness ahead. All those easily offended, abandon ship now). 

*Sigh* Yes, I am still reviewing this shit. Since it's actually been quite a while since I gave this book a complete read-through I really should've reviewed it a long time ago, but despite having all these thoughts festering inside me I couldn't muster the energy to just write it all down. So basically the only reason this is finally getting done is because the movie will be out this weekend and I have this weird sense of duty to review the rest of the books before then. I'm starting to get the sense that this trilogy is becoming to me what the Star Wars Prequels are to Mr. Plinkett/Red Letter Media; I have a duty to the world to explain in-depth why these books (and pretty soon the movie) are so awful, even if it's a couple years too late.

I know that I have made many a self-deprecating joke in the past about being an "emotional masochist", but it's moments like these when I wonder if I really am way more masochistic than I claim to be. It's true that I do kind of get off on my hatred get kind of a weird pleasure out of how bad these books are, but Fifty Shades Darker, perhaps more so than its predecessor, is one of those epically bad books that really rides the line between entertaining and infuriating. If I could sum it up in one word, I think you can guess what it would be.


Monday, February 9, 2015

The Pervocracy: Fifty Shades of Grey Index

The Pervocracy: Fifty Shades of Grey Index

In case anyone was curious, here's a link to the 50 Shades read-through I mentioned in last night's post. It's really fantastic, hilarious, and insightful, in regards to kink as well as relationships in general.  

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Why Fifty Shades of Grey is a Bestseller: My Personal Theory

The time is almost upon us, dear reader: the inevitable doom that is the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. So for those of you still tuning in, you should know that you're going to be hearing a lot more from me on the subject until the fateful day arrives. I'm kind of writing all of this off the top of my head, so it may get longer, more rambling, or more stream-of-concious-y as I go on.

(WARNING: Disgruntled ranting, naughty language, snarky attitude and general rudeness ahead. All those easily offended are advised to leave the internet now.)

In case any of you were wondering, no, I will never get tired of ranting about Fifty Shades of Garbage. Well, that's kind of a lie; I do get sick of hearing about it and discussing it plenty of times, but after a while I'll come back around to it eventually. It's like a wellspring of entertaining hatred and masochistic frustration that will never die as long as the media still insists on dredging it up repeatedly. I used to feel this way about Twilight  to a slightly lesser extent, but now that the movies are done with and no one talks about it anymore the anti-fandom has basically been rendered pointless. It's just not fun to criticize anymore. And one day, perhaps sooner than we think, the blessed day will come when FSOG fades into near obscurity as well. But until it does, here I am.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Dangerously Bound- A NSFW Book Review

*sigh* Apparently this blogging business is harder to keep up with than I thought it would be. After not posting anything in four months, I probably shouldn't be surprised that I don't actually have any "fans" to disappoint. Oh well, at least now that we have that shitty 50 Shades movie to, uh, look forward to, I guess now I've got some sort of motivation to review the two other books before it actually comes out. Although, that is assuming reviews of these books are even still relevant by this point... god, I'm always getting around to everything so late. Does anyone even really care anymore? Wait, don't answer that, I don't really want to know.

But anyway! Until that time, I actually have a different erotic book review to whet your appetite! Oh, and a word of warning to anyone currently reading or who wants to read this book, SPOILERS AHOY.

Dangerously Bound- by Eden Bradley

I'll admit, I didn't exactly go into reading this with the highest of expectations, considering that I've never found the straight-up romance/erotica genre all that appealing to begin with, and my first forays into the realm of mainstream published kinky erotica--The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and FSOG-- were disappointing with a few exceptions and horrendously awful, respectively. But I had been skeptically scouring the recent rash of  BDSM-themed novels, hoping that there might turn out to be something that would actually appeal to me. And for some reason, I thought I finally had with this one, when I found myself standing in the middle of Barnes and Noble reading it for 15 minutes. Looking back now, however, I'm not entirely sure what it was about this novel that drew me in.